Here is the tip of the century (my view) or what I have called a
Social Just Culture
- When we are having a disagreement don’t allow ourselves to get confused or sucked into a personal dispute.
Only DISAGREE with WHAT (content) someone says.
NEVER disagree with HOW they say it (delivery).
Learn to OBJECT to HOW they deliver the content.
This will give us a duel or tandem conversation running in parallel and in real-time.
Then get your “opponent” to agree and begin your discussion/debate/negotiation, switching between when we DISAGREE (content) and when we OBJECT (delivery/behavior). The objection can be for anything that you may find offensive or objectionable like: Tone, Volume, swearing, rhetorical questions, absolute language (dogma) etc etc.
- Next step is to temper when & how we OBJECT, splitting it into 3 phases or levels of objection and response.
- Caution the offender – Respond with an acknowledgment, or escalate…
- Object to the offender – Respond with a simple apology or escalate…
- Stop the offender – Respond with an acceptable apology or escalate…
- Finally if our objection is still unresolved we can take the offender to the Friday afternoon
meeting of our peers to have them adjudicate our dispute.
What You May Find
You will be amazed what you experience. My bet is that you will find their content usually quite weak in substance but their delivery filled with absolute language, volume, tone, expectations, rhetorical questions and other coercive tools used to get you to acquiescence rather than agree.
Now, some may say that this only complicates conversation and life, splitting a conversation in two and in real-time. My answer is granted but what complicates life even more, in my view, is not addressing coercive delivery of content and making decisions based on emotive, browbeating behavior of others. Also the repercussions of such poor behavior during a discussion can become a full on dispute resulting in backbiting, strained relations and office or family politics after such encounters, with other members being forced to take sides.