When it comes to the abuse of a victim, the politically correct squad has set up what seems to me to be a barrier or no-touch zone for looking at the victim’s role in the abuse. I know this is very controversial, but I am willing to broach this subject here, at the risk of becoming a victim myself…ha!
So, we have the abuser and the abused and a framework that allows this behavior to exist. Let’s identify all three components here.
The abuser is offensive in their behavior, which usually has a measure of anger attached to it and results in the following misbehaviors:
The abused person is usually submissive in their behavior, stemming from many well worn sayings that seem to be designed to keep the abused from speaking up to stop abusive behavior.
Putting it all together with implicit intimidation and implicit submission, and we have what seems to be an ideal co-dependent framework that sustains the misbehavior of the abuser and the submissiveness of the abused. That does not mean we are only one or the other. We can go from one to the other on different occasions during the day. For example, I might come from a framework that allows my boss to abuse me and then go home to a similar framework that allows me to abuse my wife or kids.
The goal here is to change these behaviors by adapting a new framework designed for us to object to misbehavior as it occurs. Object123 is our proposed FRAMEWORK we use to object to misbehavior that leads to abusive and submissive behavior.
If a soccer player gave away a free-kick during a tackle, you wouldn’t wait until the end of the game to blow the whistle. You wouldn’t wait until the end of the first half to blow the whistle. Of course, you would blow the whistle instantly in real-time to penalize the offending player.
Why is it that we delay dealing with misbehavior in the workplace? Because we are so unsure of the right way to approach it, I believe. I bet you could ask any two people in any organization how they should tackle misbehavior from a colleague, and they would not have the same two answers. Try it in your organization. My bet is that they would more likely reply “it depends”.
This lack of consistent procedure in organizations creates uncertainty in teams and results in us walking around on eggshells, afraid of offending each other and afraid of being accused of misbehavior.
Object123 is our solution to this uncertainty, by agreeing to tackle misbehavior in real-time and holding anyone that fouls to account.
What if we agreed that there were explicit rules of engagement while having a conversation, discussion, or disagreement? And we also agreed that there would be consequences if we infringed upon these said rules.
As in soccer and many other sports, the first infringement or misbehavior is just a mild caution, but a penalty could result if continued. And if this was not enough deterrent for the offender, a disqualification could ensue.
Nothing is startling about what I just said here: just about every sport in the world has them but try to apply this to a relationship, either business or personal, and people could think that I am crazy.
Well, crazy or not, that is precisely what I am proposing. To design and apply a simple accountability system for how we interact. Reasonable, right? Overdue? I dare say.
Object123.com is my proposal for how we should behave while engaging.