A Worrying Trend

The Conversation

What if the sole purpose of conversation was to reduce or assuage our worries? Well that is what I believe is the actual purpose of conversation.

Maybe all mental sickness occurs because we don’t get all that help to ease our worries that we need. Why? Because we haven’t made that agreement explicitly to help each other to ease all our worrying.

But imagine if we explicitly agreed to this principle to use conversation to help ease all our worries, together, then their would be no limit to what we could talk about and when, where, how and why. The only limit would be with WHO we have not made the agreement with.

Having a conversation with whomever we have not gotten such an explicit agreement with could, instead of easing our worries, potentially give us even more. Without such an agreement we are open to the pregnant or ignoring pause we can receive when we try broach difficult subjects that are causing us worries or to be told that we “think too much” or “talk too much” or “you are over thinking it” or “get over it” etc etc. In other words “I am not your camel” to carry your worries, which is what a previous friend would say to me.

There even seems to be a self perpetuating system already in place to prevent us making any such an agreement to help each other ease our worries. Simply by broaching this subject of conversation and asking for the reason or purpose for conversation can cause such consternation, as I have found over the last 30 years. Rarely, if ever have I met someone that has had this conversation before ie the reason for conversation. Strange but true. The one thing that we do more than anything else in our life, converse, and yet no one I have met has been asked this question directly. The playwright Bertolt Brecht said that as soon as something seems the most obvious thing in the world, it means that we have abandoned all attempts to understand it. And this from Wikipedia:
” No generally accepted definition of conversation exists, beyond the fact that a conversation involves at least two people talking together “

Maybe everyone has given up all attempts to understand the actual purpose of conversation and the trend seems to be to resign ourselves to carrying certain burdens that worrying causes us, forever.

Made to OBjECT

Summary of OBjECT – 7 Agreeable ways to be Objectionable as using the 6 principles of the book Made to Stick

1. Simple, find the core:
The core idea of this book is to OBjECT and that we were born to object, and often. Most people (adults) do not object directly, in real-time but prefer to complain after the fact and indirectly (to everyone else except the person involved). This book wants to highlight the down side of this and assist to change this behavior.

2. Unexpected, counter-intuitive
The unexpected part of this is that we are encouraging objecting and the objectionable behavior of conflict and discomfort that can come with this.
We are also encouraging open, objectionable behavior so that it can be objected to and thus reduced.
The irony is that when we object to objectionable behavior it is usually done objectionably also. Both need to be rectified, moderated and reduced.

3. Concrete, (putting a man on the moon in 10 years)
We have measured that anger is objectionable along with the signs of anger, such as rhetorical questions, also tone, volume and other forms of objectionable behavior like lies, ignoring, lack of appreciation etc etc.
We want to openly deal with objectionable behavior through our detailed
processes, agreeable apology, going before our peers etc

4. Credible: tested ideas
We measure objectionable behavior and measure its reduction. We have a 7 step (DECARRT), agreed-to process to ensure that we have a credible system to rely on. We also have an agreed-to method of giving an acceptable apology when we get angry or generally behave objectionably.

5: Emotions:
All the emotions that come with conflict are exposed, looked at and dealt with. ie the drama of a court room with the janitor pitted against the CEO.

6: Stories:
We will have lots of examples in our company and partnership of stories
Ie Train, Crane and Rain stories so far. And will will have many precedents
with in the organisation as we proceed. The best story I have is how I objected to the doctrine being preached within a christian religious group and was swiftly removed for “asking too many questions and undermining other member’s beliefs”.