My brother and I use the DTOUR Principal for running our business partnership and personal communications.
DTOUR stands for Dare To Object Using Regulators, and we use it to help moderate any disputes during potentially stressful conversations, discussions and negotiations ie. Dare to object in real-time and direct, rather than complain, after the fact and indirectly, ie. back biting and gossiping.
These regulators encourage us to moderate our own and each other’s emotional expression while discussing the issue at hand, reducing the interference from any potentially charged emotions.
The DTOUR occurs when we recognize and acknowledge that someone has dared to object to a perceived deviation from our agreed-to regulators (see below) or taken some offense. While we appreciate the objection, we help to moderate it into a more acceptable format. Then, if the objection is sustained the deviation and or offense can be corrected. This process can continue from all parties, in parallel, while we continue to discuss the issue at hand. If the deviation or offense cannot be resolved then there is a follow up process that can be activated.
The Regulators consist of the acronym DECARRT and we use them to moderate our behavior during conversations, discussions and negotiations:
Daring: Be willing and encouraged to step up and object when we feel someone has deviated from our principles or simply when we feel offended by what someone has said or done..
Enjoyable: Making sure how we object is enjoyable, after all even a roller coaster ride should still be fun.
Considered: Being considered when we object, prefacing our objection, like “I think” or “in my opinion”, or “I feel” rather than speaking in absolutes. Generally being considerate.
Accountable: Being accountable in our objection means that if our objection cannot be sustained then we acknowledge it and move on.
Reasonable: When we object we use evidence based reasoning based upon our seven regulators rather than mere emotive views.
Responsible: Being more formal and prepared in our approach to objecting, like doing it in real-time and direct to the person and once again, basing our objection on our regulators.
Transparent: We are all part of the process of objecting and what we say and do is always open to scrutiny, no matter who it is, even the janitor can object to the CEO’s behavior according to the regulators.
And in fact we have been trialing the DECARRT regulators and the DTOUR principal for the past 4 years and they seem to be producing some interesting results with further understandings and developments of the process as we continue to implement the DTOUR Principle.