Addressing a Team Member or Boss Being Rude

How to address someone when they are not part of your team and one cannot use SpatzAI to address someone’s dogmatic behavior. From a recent comment on Linkedin

My favorite approach to addressing rude or objectionable behavior in a team is to object to it.
I guess that’s why we call it ‘objectionable’. How should we object to it?
1. First, I believe we would need to agree to the process or formula.
2. Then split the objection into 3 levels: small, medium, and large ie. caution, objection, stop, with an appropriate level of accountability for each level. That’s a good start, in my book.

• there is no formula. If a team member says something objectionable, offensive, it will be the clever and creative team leader who can make the appropriate response. If there is a formula, it is to understand human behavior in the context of group dynamics. A key strategy, learn to use the “objectionable” behavior to get rid of the objectionable behavior. Paradoxical ploys can be very, very effective.

• Dr. Hendrie Weisinger I like your “formula” 😇, but I don’t agree we need only “clever and creative leaders” to intervene.
  
  I think anyone in the team should be encouraged and empowered to intervene when someone behaves objectionably to them, no cleverness or creativity required, especially under the duress of being talked down to.
  
  I agree with your first sentence also “there is no formula”….yet, that is simple enough to effectively address objectionable behavior. Hence my proposal for one. Thanks for sharing your valuable opinion.
  
  One area where I believe your formula falls down is when the clever and creative leader is the one being objectionable. What would your formula be for such a reasonably common occurrence?
  
  My formula does include a team assisted review process in such cases where individuals were unable to resolve their conflict using the mild or medium objection and due to any biases or conflict of interest that they may have, as in the case of behaving objectionably as a leader or boss.
  
  Finally, package the formula in an app & team review platform for ease of use & simplicity & we possibly have, with a bit of 🍀 luck, the beginnings of the first formula globally, to effectively address objectionable behavior.

• doesn’t break down–then it would be up to someone else to intervene. What do you as team leader when one person blatantly insults another? What do you do if the team leader starts destructively criticizing you in a team meeting? How do you handle the team member who is always interrupting others? These questions I have heard literally hundreds of times, and remember, the “objectionable” person does not know that if you address him or her respectfully and professionally, they are to respond in kind. You will enjoy one of my books, Power of Positive Criticism-as it deals with these issues. I know you will find it enlightening. Here is one for you: Team meeting, and one of the team members has terrible body odor–how do you handle that?-the incompetent team leader calls HR and asks them what to do. In the meantime, recognize that the real question here is “How do you criticize a a person who exhibits objectionable behavior, be it coming to meeting late, interrupting others, not doing their share, yada yada yada. In all cases, start by thinking strategically: “How can I communicate the information so the person will be receptive to it and change behavior?” Communication is any thing you can say or do to influence the person.

• Hendrie said: “doesn’t break down–then it would be up to someone else to intervene.”
  Who is that someone? How do they know they should do it? How do they intervene? And when should they intervene? Remember you said there is no formula. So there is no answer as I understand you.
  
  Hendrie said: “..and remember, the “objectionable” person does not know that if you address him or her respectfully and professionally, they are to respond in kind”.
  I agree according to your formula or lack of formula they don’t know.
  
  However, in my proposed formula or toolkit called SpatzAI, there is a team charter that if one is participating in team business one would have already agreed to use the formula ie 3-step objection process.
  Easy to remember Hendrie, we all just object in 3-phases to anyone’s objectionable behavior—Caution, Object, Stop—when we find it objectionable. Hardly rocket science.