Misbehavior is a given. It WILL happen, on occasion between people, especially when we disagree. When our ideas are threatened, we can become defensive and offensive, resulting in angry behavior. To combat this, we have developed Object123, a simple tool for behaving during disagreements, reducing ongoing conflict or disputes.
Firstly, we understand the difference between disagreeing versus HOW we disagree during a disagreement. We disagree with the content as usual, but in real-time, we OBJECT to how someone disagrees with us (misbehaves). In effect, we are having two conversations simultaneously. If one has taken offense to how the other has behaved, we can switch to Object123, and use the Stop-The-Line conversation buttons to slow and ultimately stop the conversation or meeting as needed.
By beginning this Stop-The-Line conversation process, we are entering into our safe space. We remain there until we resolve the behavior issue, and only then do we resume the actual conversation, discussion, or disagreement.
Simply CAUTION! the offender. The offended person should receive an acceptable acknowledgment of the offender’s misbehavior or a satisfactory explanation that justifies their behavior. If the offended person is not satisfied, he or she can escalate to an objection.
Simply OBJECT! to the offender’s misbehavior now and expect to receive an acceptable simple apology or a satisfactory explanation for their poor behavior. If still not satisfied, the offended can escalate to a stop.
Simply STOP! the offender now and expect to receive an acceptable apology consisting of:
1. What was said,
2. Why it was said and
3. What the offender will do next time.
The final Democratic Process (if needed)
If still unsatisfied, the offended person can escalate the issue to the final democratic process. This process uses a team of our peers (NOT HR or management) to adjudicate our dispute. This could be done as needed on the day, for example, or on a Friday afternoon during a weekly debriefing.
And of course, all participants would need to agree to use Object123 before they started, and it would apply to every member of the organization, from the Janitor to the CEO.